DON’T TRUST A FART (River Surfing Gastrointestinal Sickness)

All rivers, be it urban or in the mountains, are chock-full of bacteria and parasites that can infect your gut to the point you want to quit river surfing or avoid anything else to do with water recreation.

Recently after river surfing I came down with my fourth bout of serious stomach crud, this one was confirmed as salmonella infection. Shocking! Well not really. I have been river surfing for seven plus years and amazed with the hundreds of times I have been river surfing that I have not been sick much more. Though the day of my past river induced infection, I was contemplating tossing my surfboards in the dumpster.

Glad I didn’t (or couldn’t) toss out my quiver of surfboards because I have happily surfed a couple of times since my salmonella infection cleared.

So, here are some pointers I suggest to help from getting sick and what to do if you are sick.

First, if you feel rather ill after river surfing (and that can kick in as soon as hours after surfing to days afterwards) seek medical attention immediately to get diagnosed and keep from infecting others in your home or workplace or wherever. Go to urgent care to get evaluated because if you try to go at it alone, you will be extending the time with an infection up to a month depending on the type of bug you picked up from the river. At the very least, wash your hands thoroughly after your sit-downs on the toilet and let someone else do the food preparation in the home… Seriously, go get medical attention if you think you are sick from the river pathogens!!!

Back to me and not trusting a fart; so far, I have had giardia infection (giardiasis), cryptosporidium infection (cryptosporidiosis), and salmonella infection (salmonellosis), and an unknown infection that all were all directly attributed to river surfing. After my unknown stomach infection that lasted nearly a month of insane diarrhea, dehydration, and unhealthy weight loss, I mentioned it to a doctor friend who called me a fool for not seeking immediate medical attention that could have got me meds that would have knocked it out in a few day instead of struggling with it for a month to finally go away. Sure enough when I came down with the three other river surfing gastrointestinal illnesses, once diagnosed and the proper medicine prescribed/taken, the toilet riding time ended literally in days. Proper meds do work!

So how do we avoid getting sick while river surfing….

No, don’t listen to those who snarkily say, “Well that is what you get for not surfing in other more pristine rivers“, because, I dare them to drink river water in the mountain rivers, as the same bacteria and parasites are fully in those rivers as well, and they will be pissing out their backside and puking just as well… Also love how the FRange surfing (Front Range) cynics claim “their mountain rivers”, like they own any rivers, are cleaner because mountain rivers lack human pollution; when in fact, those mountain rivers are steeped with bacteria and parasites from wildlife, livestock, and yes also human pollutions.

Here are some ideas to avoid river surfing stomach infections, not mater what river waves you surf:

• Don’t drink the river water (easier said than done but if you do take some gulps, keep an eye on yourself and don’t trust a fart unless you are first on the crapper)
• Rinse your face and lips off with your water bottle tap water before taking a sip clean non-river water (keep the water bottle out of the river and maybe even carefully pour the water from a few inches from your mouth instead of lipping the bottle)
• Don’t eat at the river wave or afterwards without first washing your hands and face with clean tap water and soap (if you do eat say a power bar at the river wave, don’t touch the food with your hands and rinse off your face and dry with a clean towel before tying to eat that power bar)
• Don’t drink beers out of your wetsuit bootie (this is for you former kayakers and SUP folks who for some reason do this after almost dying in the river… no crap, they do it)
• At home after rinsing and putting your river surf gear away, wash your hands and take a shower
• Be extra cautious during first season flush from dam releases, as well as gutter bumps from snowstorm melts and rain storms
• Or, sell off your river surfing gear and try “couch surfing in front of the tv” because being inactive never kills anyone… /s (sarcasm)

Remember, if your stomach feels a bit off after river surfing, “don’t trust a fart” because you just might “shart yourself“…

LBK

Comments open for any ideas you might have on how to avoid getting sick from river surfing….